I am a mother of 4. I am a mother of 4 by chance and by choice. I care for them the best I know how. I fail a lot! I do all the motherly things like cooking, cleaning, sweeping, mopping, toilet scrubbing, boo boo kissing, and the list goes on. I am also in partnership with my Spaz to home school them and release them into the wild when they are ready. So, I correct math, teach reduction, discuss condensation, define prepositions, discuss the nuances of the English language, and this list goes on as well.
With four children comes the activities, the birthday parties, the doctor's appointments, and any other event that will force me into the car and about town. At this point my trusty Dodge Grand Caravan has just shy of 140K miles on it. It was purchased new in 2005. I would say that 85% of those miles have been traveled in Snohomish County. Of course, there are situations where my lack of desire to climb behind the wheel is exceeded by the need to be somewhere. When my son broke his arm, there was no second thought as the miles I was going to drive and the amount of time I was going to invest in this event. When my daughter was hospitalized with her diabetes diagnosis, there was not internal dialogue about how much it was going to cost for my Spaz and I to travel back and forth to Seattle to trade shifts so one of us would be with our daughter the entire time she was there. As a parent we don't give this a second thought.
I do, however, question any time my children want to engage in a social activity, a menial trip to spend the $1.44 they have burning a hole in their pocket, or when a friend wants them to come over and play. All of this driving around adds up, and in my case, to about in a conservative estimate this past year about 10K miles.
These are the times where my quick calculations and recall of historical events comes into play as I participate in what I like to call 'The Fair Game'. I start to think of all the times I've done the dropping off AND picking up because I don't have anything better to do than accommodate another parent and their inability to plant their butt in the car and take on some of the burden. This gets under my skin and riles me up quicker than my kid hiding food under the bathroom sink!
Don't get me wrong, I have no problem pitching in and help out with the whole 'carpool' thing, and doing what I can in an emergency situation, but on the day to day stuff that is just fluff, I get incredibly angry at the fact that the responsibility falls on me to get my children and their friends together. As the mom with the highest number of kids in most of my children's friends social circles, who, in their right mind would think that I have the most time to drive around the countryside picking up and dropping off children?
Maybe it's selfish of me to think what I'm about to say, but I find it very selfish of other parents to rely upon me to get our kids together. If you want your child to socialize with my child, grab your keys, make a phone call, and make a frickin' effort. You drop off, I pick up - or the other way around, I don't care, but the responsibility does NOT rest squarely on my shoulders.
Yeah, I'm angry. There's more to this, and I could go on about favoring one of my children over others in regards to this scenario, but I fear that I would say too much and a public apology would be in order.
Sunday, October 14, 2012
Friday, September 14, 2012
Attention Bullies
There were many times in my life that I was bullied. Yes, it's true, I was a victim of bullying from middle school (6th grade) up to my graduation from high school. I can tell you from these experiences that is sucks bigger than life. There are many out there who are nodding their head in agreement. If you're reading this, and the concept seems foreign to you, then you either fall into two camps - the first being the 'REALLY FRICKIN' LUCKY' camp. If you sailed through school without incident, then good on ya. The second camp being that you, yes you, were the bully.
In all honesty, I admit that I was both the bully and the victim. Once you've been the victim, lashing out at someone weaker is one of the few ways to once again feel a sense of power. It's wrong on every level. But, being a victim of such disgusting behavior is a silent suffering. You can't tell anyone! Why? It's a sign of weakness! Can you imagine if I had told my mother in high school that this boy kept bothering me? What do you think her response would be? It's what every mom says to her daughter when a boy is bugging her. "Well, he just likes you, Honey, and this is the only way he knows how to express it". To that I cry, Bullshit!
Bullies don't like me, they don't hate me either. They've just got my number. They have found a way to get under my skin, push my buttons, you name it, they've figured it out. It's a relentless game of "What are they going to throw at me (sometimes literally) today"? I would hope every morning when I stepped off the bus and onto campus that these vacuous souls would be absent, or better, dead. Maybe it's just my observation, but I swear those who bully have the healthiest immune systems on the planet. No rest for me.
If you were cruel to someone in school, and you have an opportunity to make amends, do so. You really have no idea the torment they endured, nor the damage you did to the fabric of their identity. Your victims carry the scars of your abuse and ridicule with them forever, and you had NO RIGHT to be such a crappy example of human behavior at their expense. APOLOGIZE!
I say this because I had the chance to face my nemesis and call him out. I had the chance to tell him what he did to me and get that off my chest. I also had the amazing fortune of having that boy be a man and apologize. Not only that, he asked me to forgive him. This turned the tables and gave me the power to either destroy his attempts at being civil by demonstrating the same crappy behavior he did, or I could be an example of what I know everyone is capable of - compassion.
I chose compassion. It wasn't easy. It didn't make me feel better right away, and it didn't take away 22 years of damage. What it did to was allow me to no longer let it identify me. Is this person still in my life? Yes, actually more so than I ever thought. Does he hold the same power over me? Absolutely not. Do I hold some sort of power over him as if the tables have been turned? No. It's a mutual respect and understanding about who we are and what we've gone through to get to this point.
So, I say to you. Don't bully other people. Don't push them around, call them names, ridicule their clothes, nationality, sexual orientation, or religion. You're not the foremost authority. You don't know the kind of crap that anyone goes through just to get to school or work every morning. Show the slightest amount of grace and stop looking to improve your station in life by crushing the spirit of others. Do you feel the slightest bit guilty about a past behavior? Fix it.
In all honesty, I admit that I was both the bully and the victim. Once you've been the victim, lashing out at someone weaker is one of the few ways to once again feel a sense of power. It's wrong on every level. But, being a victim of such disgusting behavior is a silent suffering. You can't tell anyone! Why? It's a sign of weakness! Can you imagine if I had told my mother in high school that this boy kept bothering me? What do you think her response would be? It's what every mom says to her daughter when a boy is bugging her. "Well, he just likes you, Honey, and this is the only way he knows how to express it". To that I cry, Bullshit!
Bullies don't like me, they don't hate me either. They've just got my number. They have found a way to get under my skin, push my buttons, you name it, they've figured it out. It's a relentless game of "What are they going to throw at me (sometimes literally) today"? I would hope every morning when I stepped off the bus and onto campus that these vacuous souls would be absent, or better, dead. Maybe it's just my observation, but I swear those who bully have the healthiest immune systems on the planet. No rest for me.
If you were cruel to someone in school, and you have an opportunity to make amends, do so. You really have no idea the torment they endured, nor the damage you did to the fabric of their identity. Your victims carry the scars of your abuse and ridicule with them forever, and you had NO RIGHT to be such a crappy example of human behavior at their expense. APOLOGIZE!
I say this because I had the chance to face my nemesis and call him out. I had the chance to tell him what he did to me and get that off my chest. I also had the amazing fortune of having that boy be a man and apologize. Not only that, he asked me to forgive him. This turned the tables and gave me the power to either destroy his attempts at being civil by demonstrating the same crappy behavior he did, or I could be an example of what I know everyone is capable of - compassion.
I chose compassion. It wasn't easy. It didn't make me feel better right away, and it didn't take away 22 years of damage. What it did to was allow me to no longer let it identify me. Is this person still in my life? Yes, actually more so than I ever thought. Does he hold the same power over me? Absolutely not. Do I hold some sort of power over him as if the tables have been turned? No. It's a mutual respect and understanding about who we are and what we've gone through to get to this point.
So, I say to you. Don't bully other people. Don't push them around, call them names, ridicule their clothes, nationality, sexual orientation, or religion. You're not the foremost authority. You don't know the kind of crap that anyone goes through just to get to school or work every morning. Show the slightest amount of grace and stop looking to improve your station in life by crushing the spirit of others. Do you feel the slightest bit guilty about a past behavior? Fix it.
Wednesday, April 18, 2012
Handing Over Control Without Being A Back Seat Driver
So begins my attempt to demonstrate to my children how much work I actually do for them. Starting Monday morning, I told them that starting Tuesday morning I would let them run the house for a week. I had them create a menu for the week, a grocery list, and a shopping budget of $100. The idea was quickly embraced, and the girls promptly strategizing.
Off to the grocery store we went. About 5 minutes into the experience I was quite sure I was going to be the psychotic mother behind the first ever WinCo Massacre. There was argument over who would push the cart, who would check off the grocery list, who would hold the pen, who would hold the coupons, and who was NOT allowed to touch the cart. What a sight to behold. After about 40 minutes we emerged successful in our quest with a grand total of $91.91, BUT the ground turkey had yet to be purchased. That required a trip to Fred Meyer. They were out of stock due to the currently advertised coupon. Crap.
We are currently almost done with day 2 and I am quite certain that my home is already a fire hazard. I never realized that my children were so opposed to throwing paper towels away, or any paper products for that matter. With the allergy season currently in full swing, there are used tissues sprinkled throughout the house; placed strategically....everywhere. I think my favorite is in the bathroom on top of the garbage can lid. It truly is the epitome of slackerdom.
I have mentioned a few times that they might want to get a jump on the cleaning, etc. because I would be keeping them up all night Monday night to finish everything that wasn't done during the week. I shall wake up Tuesday morning with my house in the condition it was the week before. It wasn't perfect, but it functional.
I have been doing mine and my husbands' dishes as well as our own personal laundry, but the rest is up to the kiddos. So far, the dishes have been washed 3 times, which isn't a bad showing, and the garbage and recycling have been taken out once. One of my daughters did managed to step over all the crap on the floors to wash the sliding glass door windows and the screen door windows. Is it me, or did she miss the point?
I am going to allow them to succeed or fail without interfering. I want to see what they have learned without my intervention. I want to see if they can step up to the challenge and get things done either individually or as a group. I freely admit that the group mentality in my house is more like mob mentality, but on rare occasions, my children band together and impress my socks off.
I think I'll post some photos on Friday as to the condition of my home. I have a feeling this is going to get interesting.
Off to the grocery store we went. About 5 minutes into the experience I was quite sure I was going to be the psychotic mother behind the first ever WinCo Massacre. There was argument over who would push the cart, who would check off the grocery list, who would hold the pen, who would hold the coupons, and who was NOT allowed to touch the cart. What a sight to behold. After about 40 minutes we emerged successful in our quest with a grand total of $91.91, BUT the ground turkey had yet to be purchased. That required a trip to Fred Meyer. They were out of stock due to the currently advertised coupon. Crap.
We are currently almost done with day 2 and I am quite certain that my home is already a fire hazard. I never realized that my children were so opposed to throwing paper towels away, or any paper products for that matter. With the allergy season currently in full swing, there are used tissues sprinkled throughout the house; placed strategically....everywhere. I think my favorite is in the bathroom on top of the garbage can lid. It truly is the epitome of slackerdom.
I have mentioned a few times that they might want to get a jump on the cleaning, etc. because I would be keeping them up all night Monday night to finish everything that wasn't done during the week. I shall wake up Tuesday morning with my house in the condition it was the week before. It wasn't perfect, but it functional.
I have been doing mine and my husbands' dishes as well as our own personal laundry, but the rest is up to the kiddos. So far, the dishes have been washed 3 times, which isn't a bad showing, and the garbage and recycling have been taken out once. One of my daughters did managed to step over all the crap on the floors to wash the sliding glass door windows and the screen door windows. Is it me, or did she miss the point?
I am going to allow them to succeed or fail without interfering. I want to see what they have learned without my intervention. I want to see if they can step up to the challenge and get things done either individually or as a group. I freely admit that the group mentality in my house is more like mob mentality, but on rare occasions, my children band together and impress my socks off.
I think I'll post some photos on Friday as to the condition of my home. I have a feeling this is going to get interesting.
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