There were many times in my life that I was bullied. Yes, it's true, I was a victim of bullying from middle school (6th grade) up to my graduation from high school. I can tell you from these experiences that is sucks bigger than life. There are many out there who are nodding their head in agreement. If you're reading this, and the concept seems foreign to you, then you either fall into two camps - the first being the 'REALLY FRICKIN' LUCKY' camp. If you sailed through school without incident, then good on ya. The second camp being that you, yes you, were the bully.
In all honesty, I admit that I was both the bully and the victim. Once you've been the victim, lashing out at someone weaker is one of the few ways to once again feel a sense of power. It's wrong on every level. But, being a victim of such disgusting behavior is a silent suffering. You can't tell anyone! Why? It's a sign of weakness! Can you imagine if I had told my mother in high school that this boy kept bothering me? What do you think her response would be? It's what every mom says to her daughter when a boy is bugging her. "Well, he just likes you, Honey, and this is the only way he knows how to express it". To that I cry, Bullshit!
Bullies don't like me, they don't hate me either. They've just got my number. They have found a way to get under my skin, push my buttons, you name it, they've figured it out. It's a relentless game of "What are they going to throw at me (sometimes literally) today"? I would hope every morning when I stepped off the bus and onto campus that these vacuous souls would be absent, or better, dead. Maybe it's just my observation, but I swear those who bully have the healthiest immune systems on the planet. No rest for me.
If you were cruel to someone in school, and you have an opportunity to make amends, do so. You really have no idea the torment they endured, nor the damage you did to the fabric of their identity. Your victims carry the scars of your abuse and ridicule with them forever, and you had NO RIGHT to be such a crappy example of human behavior at their expense. APOLOGIZE!
I say this because I had the chance to face my nemesis and call him out. I had the chance to tell him what he did to me and get that off my chest. I also had the amazing fortune of having that boy be a man and apologize. Not only that, he asked me to forgive him. This turned the tables and gave me the power to either destroy his attempts at being civil by demonstrating the same crappy behavior he did, or I could be an example of what I know everyone is capable of - compassion.
I chose compassion. It wasn't easy. It didn't make me feel better right away, and it didn't take away 22 years of damage. What it did to was allow me to no longer let it identify me. Is this person still in my life? Yes, actually more so than I ever thought. Does he hold the same power over me? Absolutely not. Do I hold some sort of power over him as if the tables have been turned? No. It's a mutual respect and understanding about who we are and what we've gone through to get to this point.
So, I say to you. Don't bully other people. Don't push them around, call them names, ridicule their clothes, nationality, sexual orientation, or religion. You're not the foremost authority. You don't know the kind of crap that anyone goes through just to get to school or work every morning. Show the slightest amount of grace and stop looking to improve your station in life by crushing the spirit of others. Do you feel the slightest bit guilty about a past behavior? Fix it.
